The Road

"We're creatures of comfort and we find our patterns and stick to what we know best. But there's a big wild and beautiful world out there for those who want to head up there"

-The Road/A Broken Down Melody

I can't agree more to that sentence! It is just entirely true.

I have left my comfort zone. But to be honest, it's not something that I can snob around to people, feeling better because I have done it. Not at all! It is actually very hard. Because all of a sudden I have to live up all the consequences, all the things which before only wandering around in my mind.

I live in a completely different place. I don't know anybody. I don't speak the language. I have no advance knowledge about the customs and rules. I barely have money. I have no status. I can't behave the same way like I used to do. I am obliged to do something I detest. In short, I'm nobody and lost.

Anyhow, I don't dislike getting lost, I enjoy it instead. Then I can try to find a new way get back to the right road. I have encountered with many turns, dead ends, still it feels like a long and winding road. But I keep on going, slowly slowly find my own path. Leave marks here and there. Build something from the scratch. Then now everything feels easier. Not all though, unfortunately.

I still have a burden, though. My ego is just too high to give in to see the world in up side down perspective. I decided to turn around, step backward, go back to where I start. I realize I might regret it one day. Because I have been through all the ups and downs, yet I haven't seen it until the end. It's only half-baked, still.

No matter what, decision has been made. There is no other way.

The Bell has Rung!

Another hiatus, apparently I like to leave this site unwritten for uncertain time. To be honest, I've been checking my own blog every now and then, and the passion to write is always there. Plus all the things that keep come and go in my life is just so interesting to share, I think. But I just don't understand myself why I just don't write a thing!? Maybe they are just so interesting until I don't know how to put it in words? Weird!

I don't even know who read my notes actually, but I'm so sorry if I seem neglecting this one. Me myself even feel bored always be welcomed with a note back from new year, means 4 months ago! Anyway, now I really feel like writing. And this particular event makes me even eager to just keep on going.

I love Friday! Oh yes, indeed! The last 2 Fridays have been always warm. Spring has blown its warm breeze accompanied with full sunshine. Not always, though, but at least now we do have the sun! No doubt that sun always brings a positive spirit for people live in this cold country. Now everyone looks even more shining and stunning. They already hanged their big winter jacket, stuffed back warm shoes, now it's time for colors!

Yes, colors are everywhere. From the people, the trees, the buildings. Everywhere! Even my life is just too colorful now! I mean it!

I love the fact that now we have the sun, feels like home, somehow. I feel blessed seeing how beautiful Copenhagen is when the sun is really there. I can't stop falling in love with it. It seems that the city is always ready to give you (at least me) something completely new. Since I already understand and speak a little Danish, I feel the city even more attractive. Because now I really feel like a part of it. And I know Danes a little more better. They are cold, yes, but they are also very helpful and friendly in many ways. I like them. See how my first impression about them is so wrong. Don't believe in first impression, it could be deceiving. ;)

Ok I need to stop telling about that now. It was just a hint. I will write the complete version to fulfill my promise to my best tutor. Ok, but what exactly I mean colorful is because I just got lots of surprise here and there!

It's just all about Friday! I said it that I love Friday. So, Friday last week, I went for a picnic with my friends. It was just so cosy. Nothing special in particular, though. Just a very nice feeling having time for myself and my friends, at last. And worried about nothing. But Friday this week, means today, hold da op! First of all, a friend of mine whom I went for a picnic with is already in India. Second of all, I have to work this weekend. Last but not least, I just lost 3500 kroner in a blink! For fanden! Ok, it's because of my stupidity, though, about toilet! Aah too embarrassing to spill the story behind it. So now, I'm worried about money, which actually I never really did before. Just annoyed me, this kind of thing. It's like a bell that rings in my head reminds me that I'm getting old and need to plan myself better, in every ways. Saving money is one of them, obviously.

But on top of that, this would sound odd after what had happened to me, I still feel happy. Who doesn't when the sun is shining for around 16 hours? God weekend! :)

People and The City

"Getting to know people is like visiting countries in the world. You fall in love with one or two, but you can't stay long enough if the country doesn't issue a visa. So you can only marvel its beauty from outside, take an afternoon walk, evening drive, hoping someday you won't need a map."

- Ramda Yanurzha

This is another story from my life in Denmark. This time no more complaints, definitely! The first two months dealt with culture shock, social status, loneliness, and long list of complaints, made me strong enough to stand on my own feet without worry about anything. Now comes another phase of settling in, which is getting to know people.

I left this page unwritten for a month and a half. Along that time, many things have happened, even though they come and go. Being alone for a while let me have enough space for myself, for me to understand myself better. I've been friend with myself ever since. How nice. :) So, the thing that I wanted to have friends like my wish in the beginning was not so important anymore. But then, one by one people came to my life. Some continued their journey and some stayed.

I was so grateful that some of my friends helped me a lot in my first encounter with Denmark. How they always listened to my complaints. How they tried to ensure me that everything would be ok. How they trusted me that I could get through this. It was just so nice of them. I even got to meet two of them, and I was extremely happy to meet familiar face in a complete stranger world. Then I know that they are my best friends for life. No question asked.

Then I got the chance to meet another Indonesian people in the living fairy tale city, Copenhagen. One was my former boss and the other was a guy who hosted my friend back in Jakarta. I barely talked to my former boss before, but here we became good friends. Since we were far away from country. And he gave me so much input. Same story with the other guy, I never met him in Jakarta, but here all the conversation went like we knew each other for ages. How interesting it is when you meet someone who speak the same language outside the country, then all of sudden you just feel.. at home.

That was with some people whom I knew already. But they had to continue their journey, it was sad but on the other hand I knew that we have each other in our memories and will support each other in everything we do. We're hopping that our path will cross again someday.

Even far away from the country, I try to manage to keep in contact with my friends back home. Though with the time difference is not that easy. Again, the time when I was alone gave me another perspective on how I see friends. I realized that now I know better know about my friends back home. They are my very good friends, but then I know that some are just friends when we're together, some are just friends when they need me, some are just friends for some particular issues, and some are friends for life to stand by each other even we're far away. But above all, they are still my very good friends anyway and will remain the same forever.

I love getting to know people. I feel so blessed that now I can get to know people better. It's just because now I know myself better. So I can see another people more clearly. :)

Like in my first paragraph, now I'm entering the phase of settling in which is getting to know people. Since I already knew some people here, aside of my host family of course, it's the time for me to make friends. Generally speaking, they are friends, of course, but in different term. I just know them, but they're super nice. I like them. And as for me, I know that there are some people who just can give me good impression that make me feel that they are gonna be my good friends. I felt it with one or two people here.

Since now I'm here, then I need to follow the rules of the game here. It's not my country where I can easily make friends because I know the mentality of the people there, more or less. It could be a little bit difficult, but I'm sure it won't be an obstacle as long as I'm just being who I am and doing good to people.

The best thing about getting to know people is somehow you can get so much input which really suit to your life condition that time, even though the people who tell you that do not realize or do not even mean to give you something. Anyhow as long as you open yourself for new opportunities and chances, then you will receive something good that you never thought. It is a surprise, like a box of chocolate. ;)

Hello New Friend!

Let's say that loneliness has been my new good friend this last 4 weeks. Even though I'm already trying to settle in, finding which foot to stand on, managing my life here and there so I can get the best out of my new life in Denmark, still this friend is sticking like glue! How wonderful is that! ;)

Before I begin to describe my new friend, I would like to apologize for my post which full of my whining instead of something more interesting. Since this is what I feel lately, so I can't help not to write it. Anyway, just feel free to continue or leave it.

Yes, life is a big surprise! I already warned myself before I came here that this is living not traveling. I still felt happy though, because I would live in Europe. I would have the chance to explore Europe, Denmark at least. But I didn't know that it would be this hard. Regarding on settling in, having friends, and stuff like that. Well, it's not this this hard, but it's still hard though. The major difference is definitely the fact that I haven't got any friends yet. So all of sudden, loneliness has become one. I couldn't take it at first, because normally I always surrounded by friends. Even I wished to left alone. And this time when I'm eventually alone, but knowing that nobody is expecting my presence is not a good feeling. Well I might sound snobbish, feeling that back home some people might expect my presence. But I guess it's true, well at least my family. And also, now I know how homesick is. I guess this is the first time I feel that way, since I know it's for long period I'm here. And believe me, it's not a good feeling at all!

Most of the time I get so emotional because of this. I often cry without reason. How weird! And I keep questioning whether is it the right choice to be here or not. All the life I have built back in Jakarta now is vanished into thin air, and I have to build up something new again from the beginning. It's something interesting if I see it from different perspective and realize that I can learn a lot from this. But since I still feel lonely now and then, I can't really maximize myself to do it. I even feel I lost the touch of my warmth and joy. And again, it's not a good feeling when you realize that you change, and this time into something different. But even though it's not a good feeling, I should not give up. Because I'm still on the process of getting to know and integrating myself with something new. I have to give it a chance. I'm here anyway. I know that it will pass, eventually.

Something that I have to do to deal with it is embrace this loneliness. Be friend with it. Take advantage of it. Because this ability to feel something telling me that I'm still alive, showing me how precious people surround me are, and slapping me that life must go on even I'm lonely.

And every starts is not always that easy, eh?

A Resident or A Tourist?

It's been 2 weeks since I live in Denmark. I already got my Danish CPR number, means I'm officially a Danish resident even it's temporary, but on the other hand I'm still playing tourist. I know I'm here not for traveling, but to work and to live and learn something different. However, it's a new life, everything is new, so it's very exciting!

Talking about differences, yes Denmark is far different from Indonesia, especially the weather. Yet some still the same. Until now, I'm still adapting to the weather, integrating myself with the life here, getting to know the host family and the city, learning the language, and yes playing tourist!

I live in Horsholm, 30 minutes drive from Copenhagen. The place where I live is very nice, but very quiet since it's a residential area. So, I prefer to go back and forth to Copenhagen. I like Copenhagen a lot, it's a very nice place. It's the capital, but not too crowded. One of the biggest cities in Europe (1,128.6 sq mi), but only 2 millions inhabitant. It's very relaxing for me to dip into the city, to walk in the sidewalk with the view of beautiful and colorful buildings, cobble stone, canals, green trees, pale blue sky (sometimes we still have it) combining with people walking, biking, driving in order. I can still feel the sun sometimes even the wind blows quite hard, breath fresh air, oh I can't ask for something better. And what an indulging view after 21 years living in crowded and busy Jakarta! I'm still playing tourist by visiting some tourist attractions here and there, but on the other hand I know that I'll live here for quite sometimes. I don't want to know all the things at once then I get bored afterwards and feel like knowing everything. It would be not so interesting anymore. So I prefer to dip in slowly to the city. Not to rush.

But the problem is I still haven't got any friends. Well, yeah only 2 weeks. I haven't even started my school. It will start at the end of October. So I still feel alone all the time. I like to be alone, but somehow I feel lonely here. This lone gives me completely different feeling. Sometimes I feel sad about it, having no friends, and I miss my friends a lot in Jakarta. But on the other hand I feel good, so I can do everything on my own. And people take it for granted! Because it's a free country!

The thing is sometimes I forgot that I live in a different place with different culture and the people who have different mentality. So I can't really apply the same life with what I had back in Jakarta. Thus now I'm still searching something to cling on, to settle myself in. And it's not that easy, because it's the the time to adapt, integrate, cope with everything here. It's not that difficult either actually, it's mainly because of my own thought and feeling, I still have some obstacles within me. I'm still at the point where I need to always remain myself about my role here, about why I'm here, about all the good and the bad, about all the benefits and disadvantages. And this time have to deal with it otherwise I would fail. But it takes time, because of all the differences, I don't have any security anymore. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely, I might feel homesick even I keep saying I don't really miss home, consciously. But maybe subconsciously I do, especially the life there. I've left my comfort zone. But that's my choice. I have to live with it. I already threw myself in deep water, now it's time for me to swim ashore (as Karl said to me). I know I can do it!

It's been my dream since long time ago to live in Europe. Now I have the chance. I have to take advantage of it. I don't want to waste my time!

Happy Eid Mubarak!

Happy Eid Mubarak for those who celebrate it!

It's my first time away from home at that special event. Well, to be honest, I didn't do Ramadan properly this year. I didn't mean to make this as an excuse, but I live in the place where least people do it. But anyway, let's leave that issue.

As I said before, it's my first time away from home at that special event, so I got the strike of homesickness all of sudden. How strange! Because I knew I missed the tradition like what I always did before. And to be honest, I felt very lonely the last days, even worse when I imagined how nice it would be to be home and celebrating it. And here, too bad, I missed the celebration, because I didn't know that people celebrated it on Thursday instead of Friday. So, it just made everything felt even worse, a little bit. Plus, the weather in Denmark was not so good that time, drizzling all the day! So grey!

But at least, there was still something good, since I was with my friend, Karl. How kind he was accompanying me to visited the mosque in Copenhagen. Even we ended up only met two guys who told us that they celebrated it on Thursday. So, he said to me that there was a mosque in Malmo. There was where we heading to afterwards, Malmo!

I thought Scandinavia was entering the real autumn, since in Malmo the weather was not so good either! Just a little bit better than Copenhagen. So, on the way to his home, we passed the church and I said to him I wanted to go there. I wanted to talk to God. I'm not a Christian nor Catholic, but that time I felt like talking to God in His house. I really didn't mean to do any harm to any religions, it was really my personal communication between me and Him. The church was very nice actually even it was empty. Not so big, but very typical 18th centuries architecture. I talked to Him there for some times and I felt completely peaceful afterwards.

I'm not a religious person, but I still like to talk to God in some particular times. So, after church and lunch, we went to mosque. It was a very nice and a real mosque, with minarets! That mosque was quite classy, very bright and clean, yet empty. They also celebrated it yesterday. And one more time, I talked to God there. Felt peaceful again. I felt content. How nice. :)

Just too bad I couldn't see how people celebrate Eid Mubarak in Denmark and Sweden. Hopefully, next time..

And anyway, by writing this, I feel bad as well knowing that the essence of Eid Mubarak for me has changed now. Just for a celebration? I should shame on myself... I didn't even do the Ramadan. I didn't even win, I guess. And worse, I didn't even have any celebrations. So?

Oh.. how I miss everything in Jakarta. Sorry for being too melancholy. Have a nice day!