What You See as A Grown-up?

Happy new year 2012! Sorry for the very very slow will in taking action. Wishing all of you the very best in this quite controversial yet exciting year. I hope everybody is having fun. :)

Well then 2012, it means I'm now soon to be 23. Still in 2 months, though. Time is passing when you're not looking, eh. Here and now I'm not going to review nor making any resolutions, no. That will be a never ending circle, so I actually find it kinda ridiculous to do so. Because I think, making plan is necessary, but embracing the opportunity that comes to you is even more important. Like one of my good friends said, "Why should I plan my life? Opportunities are everywhere if you open your eyes. That's what I learned from living." John Lennon even said, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making plans."

Currently I'm jobless. I don't know whether I should be happy or sad about it, but I enjoy it somehow. I left Denmark in mid June, so I've been back here in Indonesia for around 7 months. See! Time does fly! I lived in Bali for nearly half a year (it's gonna be another story to tell). In short, I quit my job in Bali and came back to Jakarta. So January was my first full month living in Jakarta again. It has been lovely here in Jakarta, meeting up with family and also my good old and new friends, returning to the places I like, having fun, and you know, simply enjoying this highly complex capital. Not so bad. Yet still keep opening my eyes for new opportunities. Already got one or two, and even still in the process of reaching the goal. I actually can't believe I've made it this far. But as I usually say, I always set my dreams high, but never expect too much. So let's see what happens.

Anyway, have I mentioned about meeting up with people? Well yeah, that's special, as always. It's nice to be reunited with people I've missed all this time. I also got to meet new people. And, my uncle passed away last week, so sorry. But because of that I got to meet my cousins too, whom I haven't seen for ages. Like really, for ages. Do you know what normally people say when they meet another people from the past? "Wow, you've changed!" or "Wow you've grown!" or something like that. Which I think kinda silly, because of course people do change and absolutely, they do grow, for God's sake! Well, I also do it anyway sometimes, because that's the ice breaker to strike a conversation. But then, it makes me thinking...

When I met my little brother again, 7 months ago. He has grown so fast. He is so big now, even taller than me. I don't know what he has been through when I was not there, I don't know how develop or mature he got, I don't know how much he changes inside. But physically, he has developed. Yet in my eyes, he is still a kid who barely able to protect himself. Perhaps in some years, I will realize that he is not a kid anymore and I can eventually talk to him as grown-ups.

Speaking of experience, I feel that too. When I was a kid, I saw all the grown-ups (relatives, teachers, neighbors, even parents) were so big, mature, and powerful. They seemed just out of reach. But now, I'm growing up, having more experience, getting mature, and when I meet them again occasionally, they all look the same like what I can remember when I was a child. They don't slightly change. Even now, I can have friends from a very wide range of ages, from a 10 year-old kid to a 40 even 50 year-old guy. As long as I know where to have myself, can have good conversation, and have a good judgement, everything is good. Everything seems to be more equal. :)

Undskyld, nu skriver jeg paa Dansk. Saa pigerne i dette billede heroppe kan godt forstaar. Jeg tog sig af de boern, da jeg var i Danmark, var de 10, 9, og 2-aarige. Vi havde en rigtig god tid sammen, jeg gerne en dag vil komme en anden gang for os at blive genforenet. Og i den tid haaber jeg, de kan stadig huske vores gode gamle tid, saa vi kan goere det igen, paa trods af aendringerne. Selv jeg ville oenske, de kunne oplevealle de ting, som verden kan tilbyde. Som for mig, uanset hvad de bliver, vil jeg altid elske dem. :)

Father is (consciously/unconsciously) The Role Model!

Lately I always introduce myself as Hanny Haryadi. Even actually, it is not my real given name. Well, Hanny is, though. But Haryadi is my father's. I just like the rhythm and it does, actually, fit me better, somehow.

As an Indonesian, I don't have surname. And there was no particular reason either why I chose to use my father's name as mine. Certainly, not because I wanted to show that I am my father's daughter. Because I am already is. I remember I even got annoyed when my friends called me with his name when I was a kid. How odd that now I like to be called that way.

I don't have a good father and daughter relation. I barely talked to him, even! He is not the type of father whom others would adore nor imagine to have theirs like him. He was willing to accompany me and my brothers to amusement park, though, and tried all the rides there. But still, in my eyes, he had no spirit of joy. No fun. I don't even know if he could laugh out loud or not. And as I recall, I even always looked up to someone else's fun father to be mine.

Mine always look serious. And most of the times, he is so quiet. Spend, I think, 3 quarter of his life studying and reading books. He has a very high self discipline. He is also very careful in using money. Get through everything before he uses every penny of his. No wonder, now he is a lecture in economy after retired from his prior job.

For me, he seems to live in his own world. With his own thoughts and his way of living. Sometimes, I can't even follow his mind. I don't even understand why he does such particular things. It just can't get through my brain system. The more I write about it, I feel like standing in front of a mirror, looking at myself. Because, I think, I am actually like that. So, I inherit that from him, probably.

But on top of that, I love him for the reason I will never be able to explain. And at the end of the day, he is always be my father. The one who loves me without questioned.

Anyway, you must have heard the line which saying "My Father is My Role Model". I never believed it's true, as I explained it earlier. But now, I think it is. The reason why now I do, because now I'm together with a guy whom, the more I understand him the more I feel he has certain values which almost the same like my father. Not exactly, though. Same, but different.

Just like my father, I can't follow his mind sometimes. His actions are unexplainable to my logic. He could be irritating, even. But also just like with my father, I do love him for the reason I don't understand. And I do feel safe when he's around. Knowing that, no matter what, he is always good to me.

So, My Father is unconsciously my role model.

PS: June 5th is Father's Day. Happy Father's Day, fathers!

The Road

"We're creatures of comfort and we find our patterns and stick to what we know best. But there's a big wild and beautiful world out there for those who want to head up there"

-The Road/A Broken Down Melody

I can't agree more to that sentence! It is just entirely true.

I have left my comfort zone. But to be honest, it's not something that I can snob around to people, feeling better because I have done it. Not at all! It is actually very hard. Because all of a sudden I have to live up all the consequences, all the things which before only wandering around in my mind.

I live in a completely different place. I don't know anybody. I don't speak the language. I have no advance knowledge about the customs and rules. I barely have money. I have no status. I can't behave the same way like I used to do. I am obliged to do something I detest. In short, I'm nobody and lost.

Anyhow, I don't dislike getting lost, I enjoy it instead. Then I can try to find a new way get back to the right road. I have encountered with many turns, dead ends, still it feels like a long and winding road. But I keep on going, slowly slowly find my own path. Leave marks here and there. Build something from the scratch. Then now everything feels easier. Not all though, unfortunately.

I still have a burden, though. My ego is just too high to give in to see the world in up side down perspective. I decided to turn around, step backward, go back to where I start. I realize I might regret it one day. Because I have been through all the ups and downs, yet I haven't seen it until the end. It's only half-baked, still.

No matter what, decision has been made. There is no other way.

1 Januar 2011

Time does not fly that fast if you keep in trace about what you have been doing. Therefore, in order to appreciate my life and to refresh my mind, I would like to trace back my wonderful 2010 before I embrace the challenge and the beauty of 2011.

Some good things that happened in the year of tiger was I traveled to some countries in 3 continents: Southeast Asia (Thailand and Vietnam), Europe (Denmark, Austria and Sweden), and Africa (Egypt). It was a bliss. Even though some, I felt I just paid a visit and haven't explored that much. But it was worth visiting though.

Another thing was I dipped into the night life in Jakarta to interact with one profession that people normally spit on it, prostitute. It was unforgettable! And the notes I took from there, I presented it through my photo essay in two exhibitions. That time I could taste the sweet of glory.

Having finished my study with excellent result and worked with inspiring people at the same time could be one of the exciting moments of 2011 as well. It was just awesome.

Last but not least, if you ever reached the limit of your self boundary, then you might know the feeling. This is my best of 2010, I have been challenged myself to leave my comfort zone, to do something completely different with my prior life, to embrace the chances and the opportunities that life might give, and to look inside me to know myself better. I left my country and moved to Denmark to work. Even though it was hard at the beginning, but later when I have found which foot to stand on, I feel blessed to be here.

1 January 2011 gave me a very beautiful surprise. A positive energy to start my following year. A clear mind to see things better. And a healthy spirit to live the life. This year I need to keep challenging myself, I will leave the traces here:

- Speak Danish and Italian

- Be a travel journalist

- Write a book

- Learn how to cook

Just a simple note, the basic things in life we always need to do to build a good foundation. ;)

Endnu et år, en anden start.. Velkommen 2011!

There's a Light that Never Goes Out!

Sometimes when you stumble and fall, when you feel like the unluckiest person in the world, you don't realize that somehow there is always always a light that never goes out for you! That will shine on after the dark time. Like an old proverb said, the darkest time at night appears just before the dawn.

It happens to me as well. Like always..

When I was afraid that I couldn't make any photo essay, his book helped me, even the photographer himself helped me out!

When I was so naive searching for another 'someone', it just made me realize that no other person is better than him..

When I was failed in the process to the final of one big contest in Jakarta, it must have been arranged to be happened that way, so I could finish my final project right in time..

When I was talking about the possibility of winning a quiz, the next day I really won it. Taking the line from The Alchemist, so I may say it was beginner's luck!

When it's impossible for me to go somewhere for a long time because of work, then when this work finish by the end of July, I will probably leave the country for 2 years..

Many things happen to us, not by chance, but it's already been set up to be happen that way. We just don't realize it. And yes, sometimes to reach the light, we should pass the dark first..

Q & A?

Hello. Sorry for not writing fro quite some time. I was just a little bit busy. Preparing my exhibition, working, doing my final project, but still found the time to do 9 days trip to Bali though. Will write about that soon. So now, I hope you are well. :)

For now, I just want to post this one, because I found these spiritual questions are so interesting to answer. I'd like to answer (later though), and for you, please feel free to copy and paste the questions on to your blog or whatever and answer it as detail as you like. :) And don't forget to visit the website, Brave New Traveler.

Here we go!

1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?

2. What is the relationship between science and religion?

3. Why are so many people depressed?

4. What are we all so afraid of?

5. When is war justifiable?

6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?

7. How does one obtain true peace?

8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?

9. What is our greatest distraction?

10. Is current religion serving its purpose?

11. What happens to you after you die?

12. Describe heaven and how to get there.

13. What is the meaning of life?

14. Describe God.

15. What is the greatest quality humans possess?

16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?

17. Noverbally, by motion or gesture only, act out what you believe to be the current condition of the world.

18. What is your one wish for the world?

19. What is wisdom and how do we gain it?

20. Are we all one?

Open Up Your Heart and Let The Sunshine In!

So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
and frowners never win
So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

-Frente-

PS: I think now I'm ready to feel something, again. At last.

It's April Again!

Here it comes, April! My favorite month of the year. I have a huge expectation that this month will bring me tons of luck! :)

Well, but like I always say, LIFE IS A BIG SURPRISE! Because in fact, first day of this month didn't run so well... I was neglect and irresponsible of my duty. I feel SO BAD about myself! And even worst because I ruined my friends' trust. I'm afraid now they lose their trust on me. I strongly hope not. And I'm sorry... I really am.

So then again, after several trials which happen to me since the beginning of this year, I'm asking myself again this time, "am I being tested?" I asked three of my closest friends that question, and one asked me back, "if you are being tested, do you have any idea why?" And automatically I answered her, "For me to be strong and to see life the way it is. To open my eyes and my heart, to be thankful of what I've got, to be more wisdom. But trials always never be that easy." Oh darn! I already know the answer of my own question!

I was thinking about it when I was walking alone back home. How to be strong, how to be more thankful, how to be more wisdom, how to accept things, how to struggle, how to be tough! Even now life is bringing me down, I must not give up! I have to keep fighting for my life! I CAN DO THAT!

Then I know what I should do, I need to change my perception about things. Seems I forgot it the last days. I was too cynical, so I couldn't see the good side of every single thing that happened.

There is no the word late for good thing. So from now on, if I can't change the thing that happen to me, I have to change the perception of the way I see that thing. And somehow, good thing always happen when you prepare for the worst. Same like if you expect too much, mostly you'll get less of it.

Real proof for those words, just experienced it today! I was walking alone back home at 10 pm. It was my first time walking alone in that street. It was a big street with many vehicles passing by but there were some spots which a little bit dark and looked dangerous. So I really prepared myself not to be robbed again, like two years ago. Then after around 1 km walking and still had 1 km left to walk, I was just thinking it would be nice if I could hitch hike inside the town. Two minutes after, a motorbike stopped by and offered me a ride! At first, I was suspicious! It's Jakarta! You would never know what will happen to you in big cities! We talked for a bit, then I could see that he really didn't mean something bad. So I accepted his offer. And my home was on his way home also. Just had a little talk and I asked him to pull over around 300 m from my house. It was really nice because he didn't even ask for my number. So he didn't have any motives at all! Wow thing like that happens in Jakarta. I have to pinch myself! ;)

Experience, what a really great teacher in life. And April, what a really incredible month. I feel like I have so much positive vibes in this month, even when things aren't going so well...

ENJOY YOUR APRIL! :) :) :)

Jakarta Amazing Race!

I'm not eligible yet to join Amazing Race Asia due to my age is not 21 yet. So this event, Jakarta Amazing Race, like a fulfillment for me.

This event held by Central Jakarta CouchSurfers as one of CouchSurfing Indonesia Festive 2010. It was so fun! I'd like to share my experience in my very first race ever! :)

Ready, Steady, Go!
Sunday, March 14, 2010. The meeting point was in National Monument (Monas) and the time was around 8 am. But I was late. I came there with Arya, so we were the only two left behind. We didn't want to waste our time waiting for another people to come, so we decided our time was only the two of us. Like the real Amazing Race Asia! We started around 10.30 am. Ready, steady, go!

Task no. 1: Ken Dedes Statue
Ok, first task was we had to go to National Museum to find Ken Dedes Statue and write down her real name. We arrived at the museum and directly asked the receptionist, where was the Ken Dedes Statue? Looked like another team already asked the same question, so he directly said upstairs. A tourist asked us, "Are you doing a race?" We answered hastily, "Yes!"

We found the statue, her real name was Prajnaparamita. After took a picture of it as a proof for the committee.

It was my second visit to National Museum. The first one was maybe 12-13 years ago. Shame on me.. :| And today the museum is having some renovations here and there. Still looks interesting though. Will come back soon.

Task no. 2: Soe Hok Gie Tomb
Garden Tomb Inscription, that was the place! First time visit to the most famous place to take photos. Well, found the place interesting, because of the historical side. I mean because of the people buried there. Because they could be important people when the colonial time.

Not so difficult to found Soe Hok Gie -one of the leaders of student movement- Tomb. Wrote down what's written on his tomb, "Nobody knows the trouble I see. Nobody knows my sorrow." And how ironic, he died one day before his 27th birthday. Took picture with it, a must!

Task no. 3: Hermes Statue
There are two Hermes Statues in Jakarta, if I'm not mistaken. One in Fatahillah Museum and the other one in Harmony intersection. Our destination was the second one. Simple task, only had to take picture with it with the same pose. :D

And went to Pasar Baru to gave the proof. But along the way, when we took bus, I found a really really annoying thing. Arrogant beggars, I'm sorry if I'm being so rude, but they deserve the title, I guess. They looked strong, at least strong enough to do criminal. And they were really insist for money! They make Jakarta looks dangerous.

Task no. 4: Crown in Vihara
Every time I remember this task, always makes me laugh! Well after Hermes, we went to Pasar Baru Gate to gave the proof. After that we were given the next task. And not like the previous tasks, this one was consist only with writing, long story writing. We were in a rush, it made us become smartass! We directly jumped to the end of the story and read the instruction "How to get there!" The place was in Senen, not so far. We hopped in to the bus and easily found the place. When we arrived there, the committee asked us, "where's the picture?" Darn! What picture? OH NO! We haven't read the instruction! Ok, back again to Pasar Baru.

It was a vihara where we should go to. Ok I knew the place. Easy. Now we had to find the crown. There was another team there and they said we can't get inside, people are praying. We didn't want to waste our time, so I decided to come inside and ask the guard there about crown! He didn't know! Jeez! I asked him again about Kwan Im Goddess Statue, he knew! And he accompanied me to that statue. There I found a Crown Cake! I thought it was it! I found it! So I took picture of it! I felt so proud because the committee couldn't fool me.

Senen again by ojek drivers. Along the way we saw an accident. Two ladies with motorbike hit the car. Ohh... But they were all right I guess. Ok, I gave the proof and OH GOD IT WAS WRONG! Ahhh how come! And Arya forgot to give the helmet back to the driver, well we had to go back indeed. :D

We couldn't be wrong again. So we cheated, we asked another team about the crown. And it was real crown! Located on a big statue of ... I don't know the name, sorry. What a task! We went back and forth for three times! hehe... But it was remarkable!

Task no. 5: Dancing in Public
After the hustle task, it was a cooling down. And Arya found a very good idea. We rent a taxi. So every time we had to finish the task, the driver waited for us. hehe..

This task was easy, only sang a song and dance in public. Fortunately, Ismail Marzuki Park which usually full of people, that time was empty. Maybe because that time was so fucking hot! hehehe...

So we performed couple singing and dancing: The Kicir-Kicir. We held the lyric, but still sang it wrongly. hehe..

Task no. 6: Find The Amphibian
Frog Park after that. Only had to take picture of it. The committee asked us, "Why you took so long?" "Hehe long story," we said.

Task no. 7: Welcome to Jakarta. It's All about The Money!
Time to took picture with Welcome Statue in HI roundabout. Easy, eh? ;)

After that with taxi we went to to Indonesian Bank and tried to find the committee, but we couldn't. Because it was impossible for them to wait inside the bank. So we back to the first stop and asked them, but of course they didn't let us know. So we run back again to the bank and met another team and asked them. Oh they waited for us on the bridge crossing!

There we had to count the money in coins! Jeez! Not so easy!

Task no. 8: This is Jakarta!
The last and the most tiring and boring task! We had to go upstairs of Monas! And since it was Sunday, so many people did the same thing! So all of the team had to wait for approximately an hour to go upstairs! Wasting time...

It was nice upstairs, like always. Strong wind and we can see Jakarta from above. We thought there was a committee waiting for us, but in fact there was not! Another team us said that we just have to take picture there using some particular clothes. Oh.. we didn't even know the task! Haha.. So, that team lent us their costumes. How kind. :)

At the end, we won in the sixth place. Not so bad for the second last team whichstarted the race. :D

Inauguration Night
Jakarta Amazing Race was over. Time for inauguration night in Mocca Cafe. It was fun, as usual if we gather around together. Met and made friends with new people, talked to them, exchanged stories, laughed, saw pictures, many things! One of unforgettable moments.

Thank you so much for making such a great event! :)

*Photos by several people and still waiting for more pictures. ;)

Life is A Journey!

Even though it is a long and winding road
Even though there are many surprising things -good or bad- waiting ahead
Even though it is not so easy to get through it
Even though I stumble and fall many times
Even though I should do countless try and error
But I always try to love my journey

Life is not merely about the destination
It's about the journey

It's like the road, long and winding
I don't know where this path might lead me
I don't know the destination of this journey
I can't even see the end of it
But I know there's an end
All I know I should live with it
So -hopefully- I can get a real life and live it

And the only thing that I can do is follow the road
Though I can decide where to go
I can decide what kind of life that I want to choose

Just keep in mind not to give up when I face the trials along this journey
I have to be tough! Keep on walking!
My journey is waiting...

In The Path of Going Nowhere

People say it's normal if you feel lost, don't know what to do in your life, when you're 20! Because you're still young!

That's what happen to me right now, feel lost, don't know what to do in my life, I don't even feel that my life is meaningful, not for society but for me. In a way my life is boring!

Maybe because I'm 20? But after all this time, 20 years, I think I should have been done something good, at least for myself. I did some good things for my own, but I don't think it's enough! Well, yeah people can't get enough, always want more and more.. That's why being grateful of what we have is the best thing that we can do to appreciate our life.

God has bestowed me with a lot of wonderful things. People tell me that I have many talents inside that I should discover and develop. That's why some of them expect me to do great things. But I'm not as great as they think. I don't even know what my real potential is! I've been learning a lot of things, good at some of them, but still I can't tell my real potential! Am I stupid? And moreover, I feel like I don't have any plans nor visions for my life. Sounds so desperate, eh? But my very good friend, Ed, said to me, "when you plan your life, you will never have a chance to grab different and good opportunities."

Now I'm in the path of going nowhere, where I have to choose where to go. I don't know! Am I stupid? Sorry for being so emotional, but that's what I feel right now. :/

But I believe, I will find the answer soon. I will! Because I don't want to end up being nothing! And the most important is I want to be happy and live my life. :)

So after all said and done, I know I'm not the only one

Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to

Sometimes living out your dreams, ain't as easy as it seems

You wanna fly around the world, in a beautiful balloon

(Life - Des'Ree)

Life is About Choice

Sometimes choosing is not soooo easy. We have to know what we really want, really need, or anything. It's all based on our primary, secondary, or any other needs, like desire, dream, so on.

Just today my friend asked me to go to the place which I think it's gonna be my next destination after I graduate. He said there's a very big event going on there, a hindu pilgrimage. And that pilgrimage occurs four times every twelve years! I really want to go there! I really do!

But then I remembered that I have many things to be done here. So I have to choose.

Then my choice for now is, I will stay here, finish everything, and then go to that place! I'll see. :)

Life is about choice. Sometimes we have to postpone (just don't give up) the most interesting thing to do in our life for something more important.

And nothing's wrong with that. :)

Change of A Lifetime

Life changes, people change, places change, and everything changes. But how do you know that they change? How can you tell that they change?

Recently, I’m back to the place where I’ve been two and a half year ago. Here still looks the same, well maybe some changes here and there, but only small changes. But I know, this place –after I left some years ago­– has been witnessed many things; people who came to this place; events that were held in this place; everything. But the place stills the same. Same!

And I meet the family who lives here. I still remember them, seems like only yesterday when I first knew them. But now, they don’t even remember me. Because too many people come to this place, interact with them. Even after two and a half year, they still look the same! The mother looks the same, maybe only the little girl; she is taller now and calmer. But the rest, same!

Same like me, same like you. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and asked yourself, what have changed in me? Maybe your hair is longer or shorter, maybe you’re getting taller or bigger, maybe your skin complexion is more black or white, maybe you have scar now, maybe you wear glasses or braces now. You can tell that easily from your reflexion that you see in the mirror. And if you meet people from the past, they will only tell your changes in appearance! Nothing more! Though maybe over all you still look the same.

But if you ask yourself again, do I change? For this, you need to relax and let your memory back to the past to recall what you have been through, what you have learnt. Those things might change you from inside. You might become smarter or dumber, more wisdom or more reckless, more open-minded or more narrow-minded, anything. Or might be you stuck and feel the same because you still dwell in your past? What side are you on? You choose! Your life is in your hand.

But if you know how good it is to experience things –good and bad– in life, you would like to have it. The more you experience something, more that you can learn. And how you react for every situation depends on your life background, your frame of reference, your knowledge, your environment, and your experience in the past. Because of that, no need to be afraid or worry about what will come in the future. You can predict it from your present, but life is a big surprise. Just embrace what comes toward you.

Though if you fail or make mistake in your present, it’s normal. You would never learn if you never make mistake and you would never know how it feels to be success if you never fail. Same like, if you always success, you would prefer to die if you fail. It’s cliché, I know. But it’s true.

Don’t be afraid of failure or to make mistake, even it’s painful. Every pain can make you stronger. Sometimes maybe you can’t stand the pain, it’s only because you never experienced it before. That’s why you don’t know how to deal with it and handle it. And like Queen said “Pain is so close to pleasure.” And every pleasure can make you feel grateful for everything that you have in your life (unless you become snob instead, hehe).

So look at yourself again, ask yourself, “What have changed in me?” It’s only you who know the answer, the right one which comes from inside.

Traveler's Hangover

Traveling is addictive. If you like it also, maybe you would say, "I never want to stop!" Same like I do.

For me, I really like the feeling of away from home, away from my routines, away from the system. Sounds pretty coward, eh? But well I'm still alive even I'm coward. hehe.. It feels strange to be home again after all. Strange! But I don't feel sad, and of course I don't feel happy either. Sometimes I just don't know what I supposed to feel when I'm home. All I know I just want to travel again. So mostly the feeling of going is more frightening than the feeling of leaving. Though adapting with home's circumstances is not that difficult, since adapting is the thing that travelers always do.

When I talked about this with my friend, Roberto, he told me, "So do not travel again." I was shocked, why he told me like that? He's away from his country as well. But then he explained to me that I should not do what makes me feel unhappy. He said I like traveling, but I don't like to be back home. But I should go home. So everytime I'm traveling, possibly I would feel unhappy after it.

I couldn't say he was right, but he was not fully wrong either. And everytime I ask myself why I travel? I can't find a satisfying anwer yet. I know I'm looking for something, but I don't know what. I'm looking for something I don't know (like ED always say also). Envy them who can answer this question already.

But all I know I feel happy when I'm traveling. But yeah, not when I have to go home. It's all about what's in my mind. My mind is more free when I'm traveling, but not at home. Seems like there's a conception in my mind about home and what's inside it already and I can't change it!

Though I can't change it, I have to change my mind about it, change the way I think about it. So it could change the way I react with that. I should enjoy myself wherever I am. Because in the end, (maybe) it's the same to here or there. And the most important is that I -and you also- should be happy. Because why would we choose to be unhappy?

Visa Problem

Once my boyfriend said, "The only problem about traveling is visa." I got what he meant at the first place, but never thought that it'd really screwed everything up!

My boyfriend is a German. He has been living in Indonesia for a year. And usually never got any problems with visa and bueraucracy here or something related to it. But today, he forgot that his visa runs out three days ago. His mistake, I know. So now he has to hurry leaving this country, otherwise he'll get penalty or worst, deported! But given these days are very close to Christmas and New Year, all price has set on the highest level. So it's hard for him to get the ticket to leave Indonesia! He has to take a ship to Penang instead. ahhh everything feels like pain in the ass!

Meanwhile here, I'm worried about him. I hope everything gets better soon and he can go back here soon as well. This thing makes me realised that visa problem does suck! Especially for Asian people, not all but almost.

For example, between Indonesian and Singaporean. Singaporean free to enter European Union countries, while Indonesian? We still have to pay the visa! Expensive and it's hard to get it! Jeez! Indonesia and Singapore is so close, just because Singapore is more develop than us, so western countries trust Singapore more. It's not fair though, but it's reality!

Why there's such thing called visa? My friend told me that they invented visa during world war to tell which side was on. Jeez those capitalists!

Visa sets during war. War made this thing happens! So no wonder, unity is hard to reach. People still set borders, still not believe in each other, still bla bla bla... Huff I imagine before, when war even a word that no one ever said, when people still believe in each other, when there were no borders, when everything was in harmony, when life might be more simple and easy. It was years ago. Even I don't know when was it. But I believe there was an era like that before. I'm longing to have one like that someday, though I know it's hard. And I'm pretty sure that we'd never live in peace afterall. Ever! Because we are all ready for the next war.

Hehe but why I'm talking about war here? ah irrelevant. ;) This writing ain't no deep, I just wanted to tell what I feel about visa even I never have experince about it yet. It's all because I'm worried about my boyfriend and his visa.

Well, life goes on including the visa problem. ;)

People's Shadows

It's crazy I can't open my own blog on my laptop. I don't know why! And when I tried to open another blogspot, it didn't work either! Strange!

Just a quick and short post though. It's another random-thoughts about what have changed in my life this last 2 months. Mostly is about perception.

First. I believe people change their perception about me knowing I have a foreigner as a boyfriend. I don't really care about that though, but what I do not like is when the perception changes the way they look at me completely. It's annoying! The old proverb is true "Don't judge a book by its cover!"

Second perception that change is maybe about what people think knowing I change a little bit of my appearance. I do it not because of someone, I do it for myself. Anyhow soon or later I think I need it. And I think it's not a bad thing to do, so why not?

Ok now enough too much thinking. It's tiring.. I need to sleep. Though I think these perceptions will haunt me for the next days or maybe it will stay with me like a shadow for I-don't-know-how-long. Huff I hope not.. But let people do what they want to do.. As long as they're happy. But just don't intervene me to get my own. So everybody will be happy! :)

I am Waiting for My Turn

How is it like to be a travel journalist? Would be great I think. Can combine your passion and skill. And can go somewhere for free and paid as well, hehe budget traveler's motif. ;) I strongly hope I can be one someday. Amen..

And just today I had an interview to be a freelance repoter at one of the biggest media in Indonesia. But unfortunately I can't join them now yet given I still have plenty classes to attend in university.

Interesting thing for me was they were interested in my hobby, traveling. And after we finished the interview, they asked me about my prior and next trips. Wow! They said they want to develop their travel site and it would be nice if I could help. For sure, yes for sure! But not now. :( I really have to finish my study first!

Meanwhile, I just finished my chores, writing a travel notes about Gili Trawangan for Ransel, the magazine that my friends and I make in order to pass our subject in university. Still have another travel notes to write, later later. hehe.. Too tired now and have to wake up very early in the morning tomorrow. :|

So, good night! :)

Another Thoughts that Might Lead You to Your Surprises. Enjoy!

Actually I have to write for the magazine that my friends and I make for our final test, but too lazy to do it. hehe.. I'm writing these random-thoughts of Stephan Stange instead. Why I write about him? Because I think he has a lot of stories to tell about his journey.

He is a German guy who hitchhiked all the way from Germany to the place he lives now, Pematangsiantar, North Sumatra, Indonesia. It took one and a half year, more or less. You can read all his stories on his website, EDs Tramper Blog, but it's all in German. :|

Here is all about what I can catch from him (sorry EDtha if I'm wrong). And don't be upset if I write too much about you. I know you don't like putting yourself on the line. But I just think that what you thought about life is inspiring. So why not share it to other people? :)

"I'm traveling because I want to find my life. I want to escape my life from the system and society to find the real one."

"I was rich before, but I don't really like that, because when you have a lot of money; you don't have your freedom anymore. Same like when you have expensive stuff, it always makes you worried."

"I don't want to waste my life for the money machinery like most people do in western countries. School, uni, job, career.. all for money and "safe" life? And every boring day is the fucking same. How can I feel my life when I don't live it?"

"I like to have everyday different and unexpected. So I hitchhike and sleep wherever the wind blows me. I love that."

"On the road, heading somewhere without plan, guide, or destination. I'm looking for something that I don't know."

"What you need to start hitchhiking is just your mind. Your mind needs to be free. When your mind is not free, you will start to worry and then afraid of something. It won't make you start doing it."

"Why should I plan my life? Opportunities are everywhere if you open your eyes. That's what I learned from living."

"Somewhere on the road, I don't know where I am. I just keep walking, and I'm still alive. I like that feeling."

"When you travel, you will feel like giving yourself to other people. So do another travelers."

"I'm homeless when I'm traveling. Once, I ate friesh which had been left by someone at McDonald's. I don't care. But people must care and consider to that thing million times because it would impact their image. I don't care about image, because my mind is free. I hope everyone can experience this."

"The only worse thing about traveling is the visa problem. It costs money, time, and nerves."

"I want to feel a deepest lost. So then I would know how it feels and see if I could survive and live my life or not. Things must not be the same."

PS: If I remember something else, I will update this post. ;)