Welcome Back!

Finally after 42 days off, on Nov 9, 2013 I am back on track. I am flying again. I am, oddly, happy. You never what you got after it is gone probably fits my situation. I did not know I would miss it, quiet much. Perhaps because, it is the world I am currently engage to, the area I am trying to be expert at, the life I am at the moment living in, and for sure the job I am committed to. So, having not work for so many days, though the reason is reasonable, still makes me feel a bit guilty.

Maybe, I am not gonna do this job for long. For everything in this world is temporary, anyway. But having the most of everything that we are doing at the moment is the best, I believe, we can do. It is not gonna be useless, maybe it will not take you to your dream destination, yet it could change something in you. Make it as a stepping stone, if you could. Try to get the lesson. People might be selfishly say "What's in it for me?", but if you are wise enough, you would rather ask "What is it that I can give?"

Once I struck a random conversation with a taxi driver, he said to me "What you have today, you might not have it again tomorrow. While you can, try to save up a little bit. Enjoy your life, but do not be foolish." Well said.

Beauty is In the Eyes of the Beholder

Everybody likes to see and enjoy something beautiful. Name it a scenery, a book, a vehicle, a person, anything. And me, as a woman, I also believe any other women do, we love it even more. It is our nature to love something beautiful. We want to be the beauty itself, thus we always try to make ourself beautiful.

There was the time (when I was younger), perhaps even until now, that I see it myself how lucky it is to be beautiful girls. It seems easy for them to get everything they wanted. Everybody adores them and would do anything for them. Those beautiful girls, I do not know how they take it, but for me as an outsider and a not beautiful girl, they seem take it as granted. They are spoiled by it. Some even, make use of it. Oh beautiful girl, your life is so easy...

As I get older and as time goes by, people change, life change, and some values also change.  But beauty remains the same, I would say. Well, maybe now people are not as easily lured by it. Because they have now their own perspective on how they see a beauty. Women emancipation is everywhere. Women are more bold, sharp, smart this day because they realize being beautiful on the outer skin is not enough. Well, who would want just to be pretty, having easy life, but end up being a hostess for a rich guy? NO!

Being a woman is sometimes tricky. If you are pretty and outgoing, people might think you are too easy. But if you are pretty and strict, they say you are scary. And if you are not pretty, but you are smart, you are geek. Well, many other examples on how tricky it is to be a woman. We do not want people, especially men, to look down at us nor take advantages of us. We want to be equal. Even though on the other hand, it would be even better if woman and man can support each other. In a way, we need each other.

Talking about being supportive, it is important. But I think individually they have to be independent as well, both woman and man. Especially woman. It is universally agreed that men always have to treat the women nicely. In every way. Take her by the hand, open the door for her, take her to nice places, pay the bill, etc etc. It is nice, I know. Even though, it could be too much sometimes. Because sometimes I think a woman who likes to be treated that way is so lame. She might be pretty, but she is such a boring princess. Isn't it even nicer to have a woman who knows herself, who carry herself with pride, intelligent, you can talk to her about anything, has a good job, she does not need man to pay her bill, has a vision and ambition, so you are proud to be with her? Plus she is gorgeous. Isn't it even nicer? She likes to be treated well, because she treats herself well and she knows how to make you proud by treating her well. I think that kind of women are amazing. Rather than women who just use they outer beauty, but have no use of her brain, to get what they want.

I know to take care of women's body, to be pretty is not cheap. And outer beauty is also important. But it will not last forever. Beauty inside will. And anyway, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

The Nature of Falling

I promise only to share happiness and surprises on my blog, yet I can not help it. Even though this is not a sad story, but I learn something from this event. I am surprised how I can relate things to my situation, not that I set it up. It just happens.

24 years old, after all those years I have managed to keep my health and lifestyle in balance, eventually I am falling. I am falling in love, ha ha ha.. Though it is true, but here I am talking about the nature of falling, when you only have a tiny little control over your body, your endurance is weaken, your energy is drained, in a way you are ill. Now I am. Lying in the hospital room. I do not know why I am having exactly, the doctors are still trying to figure it out. I have problem in my stomach, that is all I know and all I can tell to the doctors.

Anyway, being in the hospital for three days, weak and powerless. I need help and support from everybody, like my family, the hospital staff, my boyfriend, even my phone and my Simi beary.

Talking about the hospital staff, I have always been amazed by the work of people in service industry. They are generally very attentive, helpful, patience, hospitable, and etc. But as this is my first time being hospitalized, seeing their work, and experience it myself. I am in complete awe.

I always always need help from the nurses, like for toilet, down from bed, up to bed, walk, to take meds, and many others. So I always call them, I do not want to know how many times I call per day, but they always come with a smile and ask what they can help. I know it is their job, but as I am also working in a service industry and I exactly know how it feels, so I appreciate them more. I have just realized they are dealing with more shitty situation, if I may say it. For example, like me. It is so embarrassing, but I am telling you I cannot go to the toilet myself. First there is a machine in my infuse that they need to set off and I do not have any idea how to do it, and secondly, I just cannot do it myself right at this moment. So imagine, helping people with toilet stuff, they literally need to handle shit. And it is not only me, I am sure there are at least 50 more. They also need to check us regularly in the evening, take us to some particular units in the hospital if necessary, and another duties of theirs that I am not really aware of. They need to face it day by day, even sometimes with the same patients, co-workers, and so on.


Then it makes me thinking... Their patience is amazing. Like really. I would never think they do it because it is their job and they need to do it. No! I am also working in a service industry and I raise my hat for them who work in the hospital. My daily problems working in an airline industry are nothing compare to theirs. Inside the aircraft, dealing with very slow boarding, exceed baggage, double seating passengers, unruly passengers, etc. are really nothing compare to helping change the diaper of an adult, clean puke, bath a patient, etc. For me, working as an air crew, yes I am dealing with all those stuff every single day, but in a very limited time during I help them transport my passengers from one point to another. Also, my passengers and my co-workers are changing almost daily, so there is no reason I should take something personally. But for those who work in the hospital, it is another story. Salut!

Lesson learned is doing any profession, one needs to be very determine in doing it, very into it. Especially for those who chose service industry, extra patience is needed. Then it can make bring you happiness, not because of the payment, but simply because you can see that people that you help are grateful and smiling to you.

My Journey is My Home

I was away from my home for only three weeks, yet I could tell that there are some changes. Only small changes though, nothing really special. Yet I was still looking at those things for one minute or two trying to recall how they looked before or what was it that was being replaced. I was not in the process, so I thought these changes were sudden. I only see the final form.

"The only thing constant in life is change." - François de la Rochefoucauld

I think nowadays, people like everything to be instant. Everything needs to be quick. Care more about when to get at one point, instead of how to get there. I like it too, sometimes. Even though, I always enjoy the process. Being in the moment, so I can feel fully attach to what I am doing. However, I am now sitting on my bed with things going on in my head, mainly was trying to remember whether I have missed many details that have formed the final picture of one change in my life.

When I look at myself in the mirror now, I can tell the physical change. Then I talk to myself about me in the present and say how grateful I am to have done what I did in the past. I have done quite many different things in life. One another has nothing in common. No relation, at all. However it makes me into me who I am today. I feel a little bit sorry to myself, though, that I didn't really give my best at that time. I don't want to say some silly expressions like "I wish I could.." "If only I had.." Nothing will make any different. Because after all that was my process. Now I can feel the advantage. Experience is a good teacher, people say. And wise people, will not let history to repeat itself.

So lesson learned at this early morning is I should be aware even for small details in the process. I should do more consequences analysis before even think about ignoring one. Because one day if that small detail is the core of everything, I will not have the chance to turn back the time to redo it again.

Say the final form is my destination. And the process is my journey. As for me, the journey is my home, where I feel comfortable at.

What You See as A Grown-up?

Happy new year 2012! Sorry for the very very slow will in taking action. Wishing all of you the very best in this quite controversial yet exciting year. I hope everybody is having fun. :)

Well then 2012, it means I'm now soon to be 23. Still in 2 months, though. Time is passing when you're not looking, eh. Here and now I'm not going to review nor making any resolutions, no. That will be a never ending circle, so I actually find it kinda ridiculous to do so. Because I think, making plan is necessary, but embracing the opportunity that comes to you is even more important. Like one of my good friends said, "Why should I plan my life? Opportunities are everywhere if you open your eyes. That's what I learned from living." John Lennon even said, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making plans."

Currently I'm jobless. I don't know whether I should be happy or sad about it, but I enjoy it somehow. I left Denmark in mid June, so I've been back here in Indonesia for around 7 months. See! Time does fly! I lived in Bali for nearly half a year (it's gonna be another story to tell). In short, I quit my job in Bali and came back to Jakarta. So January was my first full month living in Jakarta again. It has been lovely here in Jakarta, meeting up with family and also my good old and new friends, returning to the places I like, having fun, and you know, simply enjoying this highly complex capital. Not so bad. Yet still keep opening my eyes for new opportunities. Already got one or two, and even still in the process of reaching the goal. I actually can't believe I've made it this far. But as I usually say, I always set my dreams high, but never expect too much. So let's see what happens.

Anyway, have I mentioned about meeting up with people? Well yeah, that's special, as always. It's nice to be reunited with people I've missed all this time. I also got to meet new people. And, my uncle passed away last week, so sorry. But because of that I got to meet my cousins too, whom I haven't seen for ages. Like really, for ages. Do you know what normally people say when they meet another people from the past? "Wow, you've changed!" or "Wow you've grown!" or something like that. Which I think kinda silly, because of course people do change and absolutely, they do grow, for God's sake! Well, I also do it anyway sometimes, because that's the ice breaker to strike a conversation. But then, it makes me thinking...

When I met my little brother again, 7 months ago. He has grown so fast. He is so big now, even taller than me. I don't know what he has been through when I was not there, I don't know how develop or mature he got, I don't know how much he changes inside. But physically, he has developed. Yet in my eyes, he is still a kid who barely able to protect himself. Perhaps in some years, I will realize that he is not a kid anymore and I can eventually talk to him as grown-ups.

Speaking of experience, I feel that too. When I was a kid, I saw all the grown-ups (relatives, teachers, neighbors, even parents) were so big, mature, and powerful. They seemed just out of reach. But now, I'm growing up, having more experience, getting mature, and when I meet them again occasionally, they all look the same like what I can remember when I was a child. They don't slightly change. Even now, I can have friends from a very wide range of ages, from a 10 year-old kid to a 40 even 50 year-old guy. As long as I know where to have myself, can have good conversation, and have a good judgement, everything is good. Everything seems to be more equal. :)

Undskyld, nu skriver jeg paa Dansk. Saa pigerne i dette billede heroppe kan godt forstaar. Jeg tog sig af de boern, da jeg var i Danmark, var de 10, 9, og 2-aarige. Vi havde en rigtig god tid sammen, jeg gerne en dag vil komme en anden gang for os at blive genforenet. Og i den tid haaber jeg, de kan stadig huske vores gode gamle tid, saa vi kan goere det igen, paa trods af aendringerne. Selv jeg ville oenske, de kunne oplevealle de ting, som verden kan tilbyde. Som for mig, uanset hvad de bliver, vil jeg altid elske dem. :)

Jakarta

One and a half year it's been.. Now I'm back in Jakarta. It was only short time, but it was meaningful. Like really, living away in another places, on your own. It feels weird to be back actually, but at the moment I'm really enjoying being reunited with my good old friends. I promise will write some more about the gap I haven't filled in since June until now. As for know, living the moment here in Jakarta until I leave again. :)

Father is (consciously/unconsciously) The Role Model!

Lately I always introduce myself as Hanny Haryadi. Even actually, it is not my real given name. Well, Hanny is, though. But Haryadi is my father's. I just like the rhythm and it does, actually, fit me better, somehow.

As an Indonesian, I don't have surname. And there was no particular reason either why I chose to use my father's name as mine. Certainly, not because I wanted to show that I am my father's daughter. Because I am already is. I remember I even got annoyed when my friends called me with his name when I was a kid. How odd that now I like to be called that way.

I don't have a good father and daughter relation. I barely talked to him, even! He is not the type of father whom others would adore nor imagine to have theirs like him. He was willing to accompany me and my brothers to amusement park, though, and tried all the rides there. But still, in my eyes, he had no spirit of joy. No fun. I don't even know if he could laugh out loud or not. And as I recall, I even always looked up to someone else's fun father to be mine.

Mine always look serious. And most of the times, he is so quiet. Spend, I think, 3 quarter of his life studying and reading books. He has a very high self discipline. He is also very careful in using money. Get through everything before he uses every penny of his. No wonder, now he is a lecture in economy after retired from his prior job.

For me, he seems to live in his own world. With his own thoughts and his way of living. Sometimes, I can't even follow his mind. I don't even understand why he does such particular things. It just can't get through my brain system. The more I write about it, I feel like standing in front of a mirror, looking at myself. Because, I think, I am actually like that. So, I inherit that from him, probably.

But on top of that, I love him for the reason I will never be able to explain. And at the end of the day, he is always be my father. The one who loves me without questioned.

Anyway, you must have heard the line which saying "My Father is My Role Model". I never believed it's true, as I explained it earlier. But now, I think it is. The reason why now I do, because now I'm together with a guy whom, the more I understand him the more I feel he has certain values which almost the same like my father. Not exactly, though. Same, but different.

Just like my father, I can't follow his mind sometimes. His actions are unexplainable to my logic. He could be irritating, even. But also just like with my father, I do love him for the reason I don't understand. And I do feel safe when he's around. Knowing that, no matter what, he is always good to me.

So, My Father is unconsciously my role model.

PS: June 5th is Father's Day. Happy Father's Day, fathers!

The Road

"We're creatures of comfort and we find our patterns and stick to what we know best. But there's a big wild and beautiful world out there for those who want to head up there"

-The Road/A Broken Down Melody

I can't agree more to that sentence! It is just entirely true.

I have left my comfort zone. But to be honest, it's not something that I can snob around to people, feeling better because I have done it. Not at all! It is actually very hard. Because all of a sudden I have to live up all the consequences, all the things which before only wandering around in my mind.

I live in a completely different place. I don't know anybody. I don't speak the language. I have no advance knowledge about the customs and rules. I barely have money. I have no status. I can't behave the same way like I used to do. I am obliged to do something I detest. In short, I'm nobody and lost.

Anyhow, I don't dislike getting lost, I enjoy it instead. Then I can try to find a new way get back to the right road. I have encountered with many turns, dead ends, still it feels like a long and winding road. But I keep on going, slowly slowly find my own path. Leave marks here and there. Build something from the scratch. Then now everything feels easier. Not all though, unfortunately.

I still have a burden, though. My ego is just too high to give in to see the world in up side down perspective. I decided to turn around, step backward, go back to where I start. I realize I might regret it one day. Because I have been through all the ups and downs, yet I haven't seen it until the end. It's only half-baked, still.

No matter what, decision has been made. There is no other way.

The Bell has Rung!

Another hiatus, apparently I like to leave this site unwritten for uncertain time. To be honest, I've been checking my own blog every now and then, and the passion to write is always there. Plus all the things that keep come and go in my life is just so interesting to share, I think. But I just don't understand myself why I just don't write a thing!? Maybe they are just so interesting until I don't know how to put it in words? Weird!

I don't even know who read my notes actually, but I'm so sorry if I seem neglecting this one. Me myself even feel bored always be welcomed with a note back from new year, means 4 months ago! Anyway, now I really feel like writing. And this particular event makes me even eager to just keep on going.

I love Friday! Oh yes, indeed! The last 2 Fridays have been always warm. Spring has blown its warm breeze accompanied with full sunshine. Not always, though, but at least now we do have the sun! No doubt that sun always brings a positive spirit for people live in this cold country. Now everyone looks even more shining and stunning. They already hanged their big winter jacket, stuffed back warm shoes, now it's time for colors!

Yes, colors are everywhere. From the people, the trees, the buildings. Everywhere! Even my life is just too colorful now! I mean it!

I love the fact that now we have the sun, feels like home, somehow. I feel blessed seeing how beautiful Copenhagen is when the sun is really there. I can't stop falling in love with it. It seems that the city is always ready to give you (at least me) something completely new. Since I already understand and speak a little Danish, I feel the city even more attractive. Because now I really feel like a part of it. And I know Danes a little more better. They are cold, yes, but they are also very helpful and friendly in many ways. I like them. See how my first impression about them is so wrong. Don't believe in first impression, it could be deceiving. ;)

Ok I need to stop telling about that now. It was just a hint. I will write the complete version to fulfill my promise to my best tutor. Ok, but what exactly I mean colorful is because I just got lots of surprise here and there!

It's just all about Friday! I said it that I love Friday. So, Friday last week, I went for a picnic with my friends. It was just so cosy. Nothing special in particular, though. Just a very nice feeling having time for myself and my friends, at last. And worried about nothing. But Friday this week, means today, hold da op! First of all, a friend of mine whom I went for a picnic with is already in India. Second of all, I have to work this weekend. Last but not least, I just lost 3500 kroner in a blink! For fanden! Ok, it's because of my stupidity, though, about toilet! Aah too embarrassing to spill the story behind it. So now, I'm worried about money, which actually I never really did before. Just annoyed me, this kind of thing. It's like a bell that rings in my head reminds me that I'm getting old and need to plan myself better, in every ways. Saving money is one of them, obviously.

But on top of that, this would sound odd after what had happened to me, I still feel happy. Who doesn't when the sun is shining for around 16 hours? God weekend! :)

1 Januar 2011

Time does not fly that fast if you keep in trace about what you have been doing. Therefore, in order to appreciate my life and to refresh my mind, I would like to trace back my wonderful 2010 before I embrace the challenge and the beauty of 2011.

Some good things that happened in the year of tiger was I traveled to some countries in 3 continents: Southeast Asia (Thailand and Vietnam), Europe (Denmark, Austria and Sweden), and Africa (Egypt). It was a bliss. Even though some, I felt I just paid a visit and haven't explored that much. But it was worth visiting though.

Another thing was I dipped into the night life in Jakarta to interact with one profession that people normally spit on it, prostitute. It was unforgettable! And the notes I took from there, I presented it through my photo essay in two exhibitions. That time I could taste the sweet of glory.

Having finished my study with excellent result and worked with inspiring people at the same time could be one of the exciting moments of 2011 as well. It was just awesome.

Last but not least, if you ever reached the limit of your self boundary, then you might know the feeling. This is my best of 2010, I have been challenged myself to leave my comfort zone, to do something completely different with my prior life, to embrace the chances and the opportunities that life might give, and to look inside me to know myself better. I left my country and moved to Denmark to work. Even though it was hard at the beginning, but later when I have found which foot to stand on, I feel blessed to be here.

1 January 2011 gave me a very beautiful surprise. A positive energy to start my following year. A clear mind to see things better. And a healthy spirit to live the life. This year I need to keep challenging myself, I will leave the traces here:

- Speak Danish and Italian

- Be a travel journalist

- Write a book

- Learn how to cook

Just a simple note, the basic things in life we always need to do to build a good foundation. ;)

Endnu et år, en anden start.. Velkommen 2011!

People and The City

"Getting to know people is like visiting countries in the world. You fall in love with one or two, but you can't stay long enough if the country doesn't issue a visa. So you can only marvel its beauty from outside, take an afternoon walk, evening drive, hoping someday you won't need a map."

- Ramda Yanurzha

This is another story from my life in Denmark. This time no more complaints, definitely! The first two months dealt with culture shock, social status, loneliness, and long list of complaints, made me strong enough to stand on my own feet without worry about anything. Now comes another phase of settling in, which is getting to know people.

I left this page unwritten for a month and a half. Along that time, many things have happened, even though they come and go. Being alone for a while let me have enough space for myself, for me to understand myself better. I've been friend with myself ever since. How nice. :) So, the thing that I wanted to have friends like my wish in the beginning was not so important anymore. But then, one by one people came to my life. Some continued their journey and some stayed.

I was so grateful that some of my friends helped me a lot in my first encounter with Denmark. How they always listened to my complaints. How they tried to ensure me that everything would be ok. How they trusted me that I could get through this. It was just so nice of them. I even got to meet two of them, and I was extremely happy to meet familiar face in a complete stranger world. Then I know that they are my best friends for life. No question asked.

Then I got the chance to meet another Indonesian people in the living fairy tale city, Copenhagen. One was my former boss and the other was a guy who hosted my friend back in Jakarta. I barely talked to my former boss before, but here we became good friends. Since we were far away from country. And he gave me so much input. Same story with the other guy, I never met him in Jakarta, but here all the conversation went like we knew each other for ages. How interesting it is when you meet someone who speak the same language outside the country, then all of sudden you just feel.. at home.

That was with some people whom I knew already. But they had to continue their journey, it was sad but on the other hand I knew that we have each other in our memories and will support each other in everything we do. We're hopping that our path will cross again someday.

Even far away from the country, I try to manage to keep in contact with my friends back home. Though with the time difference is not that easy. Again, the time when I was alone gave me another perspective on how I see friends. I realized that now I know better know about my friends back home. They are my very good friends, but then I know that some are just friends when we're together, some are just friends when they need me, some are just friends for some particular issues, and some are friends for life to stand by each other even we're far away. But above all, they are still my very good friends anyway and will remain the same forever.

I love getting to know people. I feel so blessed that now I can get to know people better. It's just because now I know myself better. So I can see another people more clearly. :)

Like in my first paragraph, now I'm entering the phase of settling in which is getting to know people. Since I already knew some people here, aside of my host family of course, it's the time for me to make friends. Generally speaking, they are friends, of course, but in different term. I just know them, but they're super nice. I like them. And as for me, I know that there are some people who just can give me good impression that make me feel that they are gonna be my good friends. I felt it with one or two people here.

Since now I'm here, then I need to follow the rules of the game here. It's not my country where I can easily make friends because I know the mentality of the people there, more or less. It could be a little bit difficult, but I'm sure it won't be an obstacle as long as I'm just being who I am and doing good to people.

The best thing about getting to know people is somehow you can get so much input which really suit to your life condition that time, even though the people who tell you that do not realize or do not even mean to give you something. Anyhow as long as you open yourself for new opportunities and chances, then you will receive something good that you never thought. It is a surprise, like a box of chocolate. ;)

Hello New Friend!

Let's say that loneliness has been my new good friend this last 4 weeks. Even though I'm already trying to settle in, finding which foot to stand on, managing my life here and there so I can get the best out of my new life in Denmark, still this friend is sticking like glue! How wonderful is that! ;)

Before I begin to describe my new friend, I would like to apologize for my post which full of my whining instead of something more interesting. Since this is what I feel lately, so I can't help not to write it. Anyway, just feel free to continue or leave it.

Yes, life is a big surprise! I already warned myself before I came here that this is living not traveling. I still felt happy though, because I would live in Europe. I would have the chance to explore Europe, Denmark at least. But I didn't know that it would be this hard. Regarding on settling in, having friends, and stuff like that. Well, it's not this this hard, but it's still hard though. The major difference is definitely the fact that I haven't got any friends yet. So all of sudden, loneliness has become one. I couldn't take it at first, because normally I always surrounded by friends. Even I wished to left alone. And this time when I'm eventually alone, but knowing that nobody is expecting my presence is not a good feeling. Well I might sound snobbish, feeling that back home some people might expect my presence. But I guess it's true, well at least my family. And also, now I know how homesick is. I guess this is the first time I feel that way, since I know it's for long period I'm here. And believe me, it's not a good feeling at all!

Most of the time I get so emotional because of this. I often cry without reason. How weird! And I keep questioning whether is it the right choice to be here or not. All the life I have built back in Jakarta now is vanished into thin air, and I have to build up something new again from the beginning. It's something interesting if I see it from different perspective and realize that I can learn a lot from this. But since I still feel lonely now and then, I can't really maximize myself to do it. I even feel I lost the touch of my warmth and joy. And again, it's not a good feeling when you realize that you change, and this time into something different. But even though it's not a good feeling, I should not give up. Because I'm still on the process of getting to know and integrating myself with something new. I have to give it a chance. I'm here anyway. I know that it will pass, eventually.

Something that I have to do to deal with it is embrace this loneliness. Be friend with it. Take advantage of it. Because this ability to feel something telling me that I'm still alive, showing me how precious people surround me are, and slapping me that life must go on even I'm lonely.

And every starts is not always that easy, eh?

A Resident or A Tourist?

It's been 2 weeks since I live in Denmark. I already got my Danish CPR number, means I'm officially a Danish resident even it's temporary, but on the other hand I'm still playing tourist. I know I'm here not for traveling, but to work and to live and learn something different. However, it's a new life, everything is new, so it's very exciting!

Talking about differences, yes Denmark is far different from Indonesia, especially the weather. Yet some still the same. Until now, I'm still adapting to the weather, integrating myself with the life here, getting to know the host family and the city, learning the language, and yes playing tourist!

I live in Horsholm, 30 minutes drive from Copenhagen. The place where I live is very nice, but very quiet since it's a residential area. So, I prefer to go back and forth to Copenhagen. I like Copenhagen a lot, it's a very nice place. It's the capital, but not too crowded. One of the biggest cities in Europe (1,128.6 sq mi), but only 2 millions inhabitant. It's very relaxing for me to dip into the city, to walk in the sidewalk with the view of beautiful and colorful buildings, cobble stone, canals, green trees, pale blue sky (sometimes we still have it) combining with people walking, biking, driving in order. I can still feel the sun sometimes even the wind blows quite hard, breath fresh air, oh I can't ask for something better. And what an indulging view after 21 years living in crowded and busy Jakarta! I'm still playing tourist by visiting some tourist attractions here and there, but on the other hand I know that I'll live here for quite sometimes. I don't want to know all the things at once then I get bored afterwards and feel like knowing everything. It would be not so interesting anymore. So I prefer to dip in slowly to the city. Not to rush.

But the problem is I still haven't got any friends. Well, yeah only 2 weeks. I haven't even started my school. It will start at the end of October. So I still feel alone all the time. I like to be alone, but somehow I feel lonely here. This lone gives me completely different feeling. Sometimes I feel sad about it, having no friends, and I miss my friends a lot in Jakarta. But on the other hand I feel good, so I can do everything on my own. And people take it for granted! Because it's a free country!

The thing is sometimes I forgot that I live in a different place with different culture and the people who have different mentality. So I can't really apply the same life with what I had back in Jakarta. Thus now I'm still searching something to cling on, to settle myself in. And it's not that easy, because it's the the time to adapt, integrate, cope with everything here. It's not that difficult either actually, it's mainly because of my own thought and feeling, I still have some obstacles within me. I'm still at the point where I need to always remain myself about my role here, about why I'm here, about all the good and the bad, about all the benefits and disadvantages. And this time have to deal with it otherwise I would fail. But it takes time, because of all the differences, I don't have any security anymore. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely, I might feel homesick even I keep saying I don't really miss home, consciously. But maybe subconsciously I do, especially the life there. I've left my comfort zone. But that's my choice. I have to live with it. I already threw myself in deep water, now it's time for me to swim ashore (as Karl said to me). I know I can do it!

It's been my dream since long time ago to live in Europe. Now I have the chance. I have to take advantage of it. I don't want to waste my time!

Happy Eid Mubarak!

Happy Eid Mubarak for those who celebrate it!

It's my first time away from home at that special event. Well, to be honest, I didn't do Ramadan properly this year. I didn't mean to make this as an excuse, but I live in the place where least people do it. But anyway, let's leave that issue.

As I said before, it's my first time away from home at that special event, so I got the strike of homesickness all of sudden. How strange! Because I knew I missed the tradition like what I always did before. And to be honest, I felt very lonely the last days, even worse when I imagined how nice it would be to be home and celebrating it. And here, too bad, I missed the celebration, because I didn't know that people celebrated it on Thursday instead of Friday. So, it just made everything felt even worse, a little bit. Plus, the weather in Denmark was not so good that time, drizzling all the day! So grey!

But at least, there was still something good, since I was with my friend, Karl. How kind he was accompanying me to visited the mosque in Copenhagen. Even we ended up only met two guys who told us that they celebrated it on Thursday. So, he said to me that there was a mosque in Malmo. There was where we heading to afterwards, Malmo!

I thought Scandinavia was entering the real autumn, since in Malmo the weather was not so good either! Just a little bit better than Copenhagen. So, on the way to his home, we passed the church and I said to him I wanted to go there. I wanted to talk to God. I'm not a Christian nor Catholic, but that time I felt like talking to God in His house. I really didn't mean to do any harm to any religions, it was really my personal communication between me and Him. The church was very nice actually even it was empty. Not so big, but very typical 18th centuries architecture. I talked to Him there for some times and I felt completely peaceful afterwards.

I'm not a religious person, but I still like to talk to God in some particular times. So, after church and lunch, we went to mosque. It was a very nice and a real mosque, with minarets! That mosque was quite classy, very bright and clean, yet empty. They also celebrated it yesterday. And one more time, I talked to God there. Felt peaceful again. I felt content. How nice. :)

Just too bad I couldn't see how people celebrate Eid Mubarak in Denmark and Sweden. Hopefully, next time..

And anyway, by writing this, I feel bad as well knowing that the essence of Eid Mubarak for me has changed now. Just for a celebration? I should shame on myself... I didn't even do the Ramadan. I didn't even win, I guess. And worse, I didn't even have any celebrations. So?

Oh.. how I miss everything in Jakarta. Sorry for being too melancholy. Have a nice day!

There's a Light that Never Goes Out!

Sometimes when you stumble and fall, when you feel like the unluckiest person in the world, you don't realize that somehow there is always always a light that never goes out for you! That will shine on after the dark time. Like an old proverb said, the darkest time at night appears just before the dawn.

It happens to me as well. Like always..

When I was afraid that I couldn't make any photo essay, his book helped me, even the photographer himself helped me out!

When I was so naive searching for another 'someone', it just made me realize that no other person is better than him..

When I was failed in the process to the final of one big contest in Jakarta, it must have been arranged to be happened that way, so I could finish my final project right in time..

When I was talking about the possibility of winning a quiz, the next day I really won it. Taking the line from The Alchemist, so I may say it was beginner's luck!

When it's impossible for me to go somewhere for a long time because of work, then when this work finish by the end of July, I will probably leave the country for 2 years..

Many things happen to us, not by chance, but it's already been set up to be happen that way. We just don't realize it. And yes, sometimes to reach the light, we should pass the dark first..

It Ain't Short!

Hello.. Been long time not writing this blog. Pardon me for that. Been quite busy and my mind was too fucked-up for composing some words in order, so it caused a quite big hiatus here.

So the last 3 months, I achieved some good and also some bad things. All the experiences made me stronger, wiser, and for all the sum, better. 3 months sounds short, but in fact it doesn't! You would never imagine what you could have done in 3 months period.

Here are the list of what I have done in the last 3 months:

- I celebrated my 21 years old birthday (April 3) in a prostitution place in Jakarta, Jatinegara. It would never slipped in my mind to celebrate my birthday there. Well, I didn't really celebrate mine there, just happened to be there in order to do my photo essay project. It was the first time I went there, for the next month, I visited that place regularly.

I can't upload all the works, since I promised her I will only use it for the exhibition

- Together with my friends from XV class, in May 21, we held an exhibition at Antara Gallery of Photojournalism. We were afraid that we couldn't make it because of lack of fund, but in fact at the end we successfully made it and we made some profit, how surprising! And the opening was an unforgettable one, like always. Float and Tika and The Dissidents played there!

Journalistic Class XV

- I was graduated from university in June 30! Finally after three weeks working on deadline, I could finish it. :) Brave New Photographer. Ramda Yanurzha helped me a lot on this.

The day!

Magazine interface

Web interface

They were only the most important things in my life in the last 3 months. Even to be honest, there are still a lot a lot of things have happened in the last 3 months. But I just don't feel like writing it here. Maybe some I will write about it, later.. I'll see..

So yeah, 3 months is ain't short!

ENORMOUSIGHT!

A Photography Exhibition
Galeri Foto Jurnalistik Antara
Class Of XV

Adhi Wicaksono | Ahmad Syah Reza | Aldi Pradikta | Amalia Sekarjati
Anbia Permadi | Anggita Panji Nayantaka | Dewa Gde Riam | Grace Hutasoit
Grandyos Zafna Manase Mesah | Kemal Indi Rizky Namora | Khansa F. Nabila | M. Abdul Aziz
Maria Goretti | Putra Sophan Pribadi | Teti Rahmawati | Tony Achri Hutabarat
Agung Fatma Putra | Dhemas Reviyanto Atmodjo | Fanny Fajarianti | Gayatri
Hanny Dwi Jayanthi | Nicklas Hanotubun | Nunu Nugraha | Roki Pandapotan |
Suryo Wibowo | Titah Hari Prabowo | Wisnu Agung Prasetyo | Xaverius Herman

May 21st - June 25th 2010

Opening :
Friday , May 21st 2010
19.00 Local Time
Opened By Mohammad Nuh
Minister of National Education
Republic Of Indonesia

GALERI FOTO JURNALISTIK ANTARA
Jl. Antara No. 59, Pasar Baru, Jakarta 10710
T/F: 021-3458771, www.gfja.org
YahooGroups: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gfja
twitter: http://twitter.com/galeriantara
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=19164023720

Live Performance by :
Tika and The Dissidents
Float
Seekpopers

Free food and drink!

Enormousight Goes To Campus :
Wednesday, June 2nd 2010
15.00 Local Time
UMN (Universitas Mulimedia Nusantara)
Speaker : Feri Latief (National Geographic Indonesia Contributors)

Monday, June 8th 2010
15.00 Local Time
ABFI Institute PERBANAS
Speaker : Bea Wiharta (Reuters Photographer)

Gallery Talk :
Date still on schedule, Sorry.
Speaker : Jay Subiyakto
NEO JURNALISM CLUB
Jl. Antara No.61 , Pasar Baru
Jakarta 10710

Next Exhibition :
Djakartartmosphere
November 2010
Kartika Expo - Balai Kartini
Jakarta

ALL EVENT: FREE OF CHARGE!

Q & A?

Hello. Sorry for not writing fro quite some time. I was just a little bit busy. Preparing my exhibition, working, doing my final project, but still found the time to do 9 days trip to Bali though. Will write about that soon. So now, I hope you are well. :)

For now, I just want to post this one, because I found these spiritual questions are so interesting to answer. I'd like to answer (later though), and for you, please feel free to copy and paste the questions on to your blog or whatever and answer it as detail as you like. :) And don't forget to visit the website, Brave New Traveler.

Here we go!

1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?

2. What is the relationship between science and religion?

3. Why are so many people depressed?

4. What are we all so afraid of?

5. When is war justifiable?

6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?

7. How does one obtain true peace?

8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?

9. What is our greatest distraction?

10. Is current religion serving its purpose?

11. What happens to you after you die?

12. Describe heaven and how to get there.

13. What is the meaning of life?

14. Describe God.

15. What is the greatest quality humans possess?

16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?

17. Noverbally, by motion or gesture only, act out what you believe to be the current condition of the world.

18. What is your one wish for the world?

19. What is wisdom and how do we gain it?

20. Are we all one?

Mind/Passion - enormouSight

I should have written this on the 18th. Due to commemorating a year of my very first photo exhibition with GFJA XIV, Mind/Passion!

So, it's been a year. How time flies so fast until I realize that next month I will have my second exhibition. I'm so happy, but on the other hand anxious because we still have no sponsors yet! Moreover, my photo essay is still not finished yet. Just finishing touch here and there for the photos, but for the essay: none! I demanded to write using journalism aspects again this time, like what I used to do in university. Well, it's been quite a while since I didn't write such thing. I hope I'm still good at it. :)

About the exhibition itself, it's strange now. Because I can't feel the excitement of having another exhibition yet! Why??? This time last year, I was so excited until I couldn't say a word. And when we succeeded to make a good one, wow speechless. World seemed too wonderful, everything felt so miraculous, I couldn't believe we did it! All tiredness disappeared in a flash! All paid off with the pride and joy!

I hope my friends and I can motivate ourselves to give our best for ENORMOUSIGHT! We can do it! Just believe every thing is good when its time. :) GFJA XV, WE CAN DO IT! GODSPEED US! :)

Open Up Your Heart and Let The Sunshine In!

So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
and frowners never win
So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

-Frente-

PS: I think now I'm ready to feel something, again. At last.