Hello New Friend!

Let's say that loneliness has been my new good friend this last 4 weeks. Even though I'm already trying to settle in, finding which foot to stand on, managing my life here and there so I can get the best out of my new life in Denmark, still this friend is sticking like glue! How wonderful is that! ;)

Before I begin to describe my new friend, I would like to apologize for my post which full of my whining instead of something more interesting. Since this is what I feel lately, so I can't help not to write it. Anyway, just feel free to continue or leave it.

Yes, life is a big surprise! I already warned myself before I came here that this is living not traveling. I still felt happy though, because I would live in Europe. I would have the chance to explore Europe, Denmark at least. But I didn't know that it would be this hard. Regarding on settling in, having friends, and stuff like that. Well, it's not this this hard, but it's still hard though. The major difference is definitely the fact that I haven't got any friends yet. So all of sudden, loneliness has become one. I couldn't take it at first, because normally I always surrounded by friends. Even I wished to left alone. And this time when I'm eventually alone, but knowing that nobody is expecting my presence is not a good feeling. Well I might sound snobbish, feeling that back home some people might expect my presence. But I guess it's true, well at least my family. And also, now I know how homesick is. I guess this is the first time I feel that way, since I know it's for long period I'm here. And believe me, it's not a good feeling at all!

Most of the time I get so emotional because of this. I often cry without reason. How weird! And I keep questioning whether is it the right choice to be here or not. All the life I have built back in Jakarta now is vanished into thin air, and I have to build up something new again from the beginning. It's something interesting if I see it from different perspective and realize that I can learn a lot from this. But since I still feel lonely now and then, I can't really maximize myself to do it. I even feel I lost the touch of my warmth and joy. And again, it's not a good feeling when you realize that you change, and this time into something different. But even though it's not a good feeling, I should not give up. Because I'm still on the process of getting to know and integrating myself with something new. I have to give it a chance. I'm here anyway. I know that it will pass, eventually.

Something that I have to do to deal with it is embrace this loneliness. Be friend with it. Take advantage of it. Because this ability to feel something telling me that I'm still alive, showing me how precious people surround me are, and slapping me that life must go on even I'm lonely.

And every starts is not always that easy, eh?

A Resident or A Tourist?

It's been 2 weeks since I live in Denmark. I already got my Danish CPR number, means I'm officially a Danish resident even it's temporary, but on the other hand I'm still playing tourist. I know I'm here not for traveling, but to work and to live and learn something different. However, it's a new life, everything is new, so it's very exciting!

Talking about differences, yes Denmark is far different from Indonesia, especially the weather. Yet some still the same. Until now, I'm still adapting to the weather, integrating myself with the life here, getting to know the host family and the city, learning the language, and yes playing tourist!

I live in Horsholm, 30 minutes drive from Copenhagen. The place where I live is very nice, but very quiet since it's a residential area. So, I prefer to go back and forth to Copenhagen. I like Copenhagen a lot, it's a very nice place. It's the capital, but not too crowded. One of the biggest cities in Europe (1,128.6 sq mi), but only 2 millions inhabitant. It's very relaxing for me to dip into the city, to walk in the sidewalk with the view of beautiful and colorful buildings, cobble stone, canals, green trees, pale blue sky (sometimes we still have it) combining with people walking, biking, driving in order. I can still feel the sun sometimes even the wind blows quite hard, breath fresh air, oh I can't ask for something better. And what an indulging view after 21 years living in crowded and busy Jakarta! I'm still playing tourist by visiting some tourist attractions here and there, but on the other hand I know that I'll live here for quite sometimes. I don't want to know all the things at once then I get bored afterwards and feel like knowing everything. It would be not so interesting anymore. So I prefer to dip in slowly to the city. Not to rush.

But the problem is I still haven't got any friends. Well, yeah only 2 weeks. I haven't even started my school. It will start at the end of October. So I still feel alone all the time. I like to be alone, but somehow I feel lonely here. This lone gives me completely different feeling. Sometimes I feel sad about it, having no friends, and I miss my friends a lot in Jakarta. But on the other hand I feel good, so I can do everything on my own. And people take it for granted! Because it's a free country!

The thing is sometimes I forgot that I live in a different place with different culture and the people who have different mentality. So I can't really apply the same life with what I had back in Jakarta. Thus now I'm still searching something to cling on, to settle myself in. And it's not that easy, because it's the the time to adapt, integrate, cope with everything here. It's not that difficult either actually, it's mainly because of my own thought and feeling, I still have some obstacles within me. I'm still at the point where I need to always remain myself about my role here, about why I'm here, about all the good and the bad, about all the benefits and disadvantages. And this time have to deal with it otherwise I would fail. But it takes time, because of all the differences, I don't have any security anymore. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely, I might feel homesick even I keep saying I don't really miss home, consciously. But maybe subconsciously I do, especially the life there. I've left my comfort zone. But that's my choice. I have to live with it. I already threw myself in deep water, now it's time for me to swim ashore (as Karl said to me). I know I can do it!

It's been my dream since long time ago to live in Europe. Now I have the chance. I have to take advantage of it. I don't want to waste my time!

Happy Eid Mubarak!

Happy Eid Mubarak for those who celebrate it!

It's my first time away from home at that special event. Well, to be honest, I didn't do Ramadan properly this year. I didn't mean to make this as an excuse, but I live in the place where least people do it. But anyway, let's leave that issue.

As I said before, it's my first time away from home at that special event, so I got the strike of homesickness all of sudden. How strange! Because I knew I missed the tradition like what I always did before. And to be honest, I felt very lonely the last days, even worse when I imagined how nice it would be to be home and celebrating it. And here, too bad, I missed the celebration, because I didn't know that people celebrated it on Thursday instead of Friday. So, it just made everything felt even worse, a little bit. Plus, the weather in Denmark was not so good that time, drizzling all the day! So grey!

But at least, there was still something good, since I was with my friend, Karl. How kind he was accompanying me to visited the mosque in Copenhagen. Even we ended up only met two guys who told us that they celebrated it on Thursday. So, he said to me that there was a mosque in Malmo. There was where we heading to afterwards, Malmo!

I thought Scandinavia was entering the real autumn, since in Malmo the weather was not so good either! Just a little bit better than Copenhagen. So, on the way to his home, we passed the church and I said to him I wanted to go there. I wanted to talk to God. I'm not a Christian nor Catholic, but that time I felt like talking to God in His house. I really didn't mean to do any harm to any religions, it was really my personal communication between me and Him. The church was very nice actually even it was empty. Not so big, but very typical 18th centuries architecture. I talked to Him there for some times and I felt completely peaceful afterwards.

I'm not a religious person, but I still like to talk to God in some particular times. So, after church and lunch, we went to mosque. It was a very nice and a real mosque, with minarets! That mosque was quite classy, very bright and clean, yet empty. They also celebrated it yesterday. And one more time, I talked to God there. Felt peaceful again. I felt content. How nice. :)

Just too bad I couldn't see how people celebrate Eid Mubarak in Denmark and Sweden. Hopefully, next time..

And anyway, by writing this, I feel bad as well knowing that the essence of Eid Mubarak for me has changed now. Just for a celebration? I should shame on myself... I didn't even do the Ramadan. I didn't even win, I guess. And worse, I didn't even have any celebrations. So?

Oh.. how I miss everything in Jakarta. Sorry for being too melancholy. Have a nice day!