Hello New Friend!

Let's say that loneliness has been my new good friend this last 4 weeks. Even though I'm already trying to settle in, finding which foot to stand on, managing my life here and there so I can get the best out of my new life in Denmark, still this friend is sticking like glue! How wonderful is that! ;)

Before I begin to describe my new friend, I would like to apologize for my post which full of my whining instead of something more interesting. Since this is what I feel lately, so I can't help not to write it. Anyway, just feel free to continue or leave it.

Yes, life is a big surprise! I already warned myself before I came here that this is living not traveling. I still felt happy though, because I would live in Europe. I would have the chance to explore Europe, Denmark at least. But I didn't know that it would be this hard. Regarding on settling in, having friends, and stuff like that. Well, it's not this this hard, but it's still hard though. The major difference is definitely the fact that I haven't got any friends yet. So all of sudden, loneliness has become one. I couldn't take it at first, because normally I always surrounded by friends. Even I wished to left alone. And this time when I'm eventually alone, but knowing that nobody is expecting my presence is not a good feeling. Well I might sound snobbish, feeling that back home some people might expect my presence. But I guess it's true, well at least my family. And also, now I know how homesick is. I guess this is the first time I feel that way, since I know it's for long period I'm here. And believe me, it's not a good feeling at all!

Most of the time I get so emotional because of this. I often cry without reason. How weird! And I keep questioning whether is it the right choice to be here or not. All the life I have built back in Jakarta now is vanished into thin air, and I have to build up something new again from the beginning. It's something interesting if I see it from different perspective and realize that I can learn a lot from this. But since I still feel lonely now and then, I can't really maximize myself to do it. I even feel I lost the touch of my warmth and joy. And again, it's not a good feeling when you realize that you change, and this time into something different. But even though it's not a good feeling, I should not give up. Because I'm still on the process of getting to know and integrating myself with something new. I have to give it a chance. I'm here anyway. I know that it will pass, eventually.

Something that I have to do to deal with it is embrace this loneliness. Be friend with it. Take advantage of it. Because this ability to feel something telling me that I'm still alive, showing me how precious people surround me are, and slapping me that life must go on even I'm lonely.

And every starts is not always that easy, eh?